dads&daughters.

there's something special about the bond a daughter has with her dad. i've been thinking about this in the aftermath of father's day and because of the recent happenings in my own life as of late. i distinctly remember the moment we found out that the baby growing inside my womb was a GIRL. i think it began then inside of nick... while he was petrified of fathering a daughter and the weight that carried, he immediately began being protective over her. one saturday i was laying in bed when he came and laid beside me and began worrying about who bella would date and what kind of man she would someday marry. i had to remind him that we would have mannnny years before we would have to concern ourselves with these things. but still; he was already taking on the role of being a dad to his little girl.

i am incredibly blessed to have the dad that god has given me. he is a strong, godly man who made being our dad a passion of his. i have such great memories of growing up with him...running excitedly to meet him at the door when he got home from work (i can still remember the smell of his long, khaki colored business coat). playing hide and go seek. watching and playing basketball; something that we both loved. having him tuck me into bed at night and pray with me, or just talk with me. my dad taught me some important things about life, people and most importantly jesus. one of my favorite movies to this day is "father of the bride" because it represents in so many ways how my relationship is with my own father: shooting hoops in the driveway of our house, talking to him when i needed a listening ear or some encouragement, and someone who always wanted the best for me... who was always cheering me on and who would do ANYTHING for me. he was never afraid to cry or show emotion, which is one of my favorite things about him. i love him so much. gretchen and i are SO blessed to be daughters of his. we felt beautiful, loved, worthy and secure in who we were *number one* because of god's grace and his work in our lives, but also because of the relationship we had with our dad. i strongly believe that a man's influence and role in his daughter's life is instrumental in so many ways. i understand that this isn't always the case--in some situations, it's not even an option... or maybe even downright unhealthy... and in those cases god is ever so soveriegn and continually gracious and redeeming.

when i was dating nick, i was constantly praying for god's guidence in our relationship and also in my heart. i asked god specifically to help me to see if this was not only the husband he wanted for me, but also a man who could be an amazing father to my children. i'm so thankful for the relationship i had with my own dad to see what i wanted for my future kids. soooo many people told nick & i how our relationship was going to change after bella was born. has it changed? yes. we don't have the hours of uninterrupted time together that we once shared. we can't just go places anymore on a whim. a tiny little person is our priority now and requires our constant attention. however, i am more in love with my husband today than ever. has our relationship changed for the good? *yes*. it is the most AMAZING thing to watch nick care for his little girl and to see him already becoming such a wonderful dad to her. he changed all of her diapers her first two days of life. he is better at calming her down than i am i think! he discovered the one way she loves to be held that can usually make her happy most of the time. he prays over her and is constantly telling her how beautiful she is. i love looking in on him rocking her and when he tells me "that is the best feeling in the world" after she falls asleep on his chest.

i'm so glad my sweet daughter is blessed--as i am--to have such an amazing father. i pray that she will also look to find a man that will be just as wonderful to her children someday. is this a tradition i hope we continue to pass on in our family? YES. happy fathers day, nick and dad. i am SO blessed to be your wife and your daughter. i love you both. xoxo

what's for dinner tonight {marinated steak}.

ok, so sometimes rachael ray reallllly gets on my nerves, but i do admit to watching her talk show every once and a while; especially lately as i'm nursing bella or "playing" on the floor with her. let's be honest, there's only so much "playing" a one month old can do and, well, sometimes i just need some entertainment too. enter: rachael ray's talk show at 9 am.

well rachael ends her show each morning with "what's for dinner tonight" where she shows her audience how to cook a particular meal. i know all of us are in need of some good recipe ideas... and i love to cook... so i will post a "what's for dinner tonight" entry each week (fingers crossed!) with a new recipe or something i made. so here's this week's entry...

nick and i started a new father's day tradition (since this was his first... i have a dad blog i'm planning on posting later this week, just haven't had the time) and this tradition is going to be a steak dinner. yum. we bought steaks last week on sale at sprouts... it's like a smaller version of whole foods, and well--a whole lot cheaper. for those of you that live in the dfw area, FIND A SPROUTS! and shop the weekly deals. amazing. nick and i have started buying all of our fruits, veggies and meat/seafood there. their meats are hormone free and you can get great deals. we bought tenderloin steaks last week--2 for under *eight bucks*. yes, it's true. so here is the recipe for the marinade we used and directions for steak cooking (thank you, ina garten... aka barefoot contessa).

steak marinade:

1/3 c. soy sauce

1/2 c. olive oil

1/3 c. fresh lemon juice

1/4 c. Worcestershire sauce

1 1/2 T. garlic powder

3 T. dried basil

1 1/2 T. dried parsley flakes

*mix all ingredients together in a shallow dish, and let meat sit for about 8 hours.

*heat a skillet on high heat until very hot. sear meat for 2 min. on each side.

*top each steak with 1 T. of butter (why not... live on the edge!) and cook in a 400 degree oven until an instant read meat thermometer reads around 130 if you like it to be still a little pink in the middle (medium rare-ish)... adjust according to your taste.

i served ours with mashed potato and asparagus i sauteed with fresh garlic, olive oil and salt and pepper. delish. make it your new fathers day tradition... or tuesday tradition; it's that good :)enjoy!

and then there were three.

so i'm feeling particularly nostalgic at the moment. it's june 19th; my baby girl is one month old today. it's hard to believe that it has been a month, and yet at the same time it's hard to imagine our life without her. our life used to be a lot more carefree, yes. we could go to chili's at eleven oclock at night for a chips and salsa date (without having to arrange a babysitter first) or even run to the grocery store on a whim (without having to carry around a carseat--why do they make those things so freaking heavy?! or pack up the diaper bag). yes, our life was much simpler a month ago. but then again... we didn't know the feeling of cuddling with a newborn as she slept. we didn't get to watch each other love and care for this little person that god created through us. pretty amazing. a month ago we didn't know the crazy-haired, chubby cheeked, flailing arms-and-legs-baby that we now know as our daughter. yeah... she's pretty great.

so i've been wanting to document her "birth story" ever since we left the hospital. blame it on me watching "a baby story" on tlc faithfully up until her birth or just me being nostalgic again, but i don't want to forget a second of what that experience was like. so bear with me... this will be my longest post by far! here we go...

i love how everyone tells you to make sure you get a good nights sleep before you go to the hospital to be induced. really?? have these people ever had a baby before?? so much anticipation, nervousness and excitement. nick & i had to be at the hospital at 5 am on the morning of Wednesday, May 19th. i think i feel asleep at 1 and woke up at 3 with all of these thoughts and emotions rolling around in my brain. i still remember the feeling of leaving our house (i had to make sure it was spotless and everything was put into place... couldn't bare the thought of bella seeing her house in such a mess!) and nick & i giddy with excitement at the thought then when we returned we would have our daughter! we made it to the hospital and to my surprise i was really very calm and not very nervous. enter: genius nurse, as nick referred to her. after getting situated in my room and dressed in the oh-so-stylish hospital gown that i had to wear, genius nurse goes to give me an IV and instead completely blows my vein which we had to ice the whole time i was in labor it was so swollen and incredibly painful. i really think that was the most painful part of the whole birthing experience. now, this either makes me sound like a huge wuss OR tells you really what a great delivery i had (and it really is the latter... i promise; it hurt soooooo bad.) i was already dialated 5 cm and having contractions, none of which were very painful and i was thankful to be halfway through!

luckily genius nurse's shift was up at 7, and in came alison, our wonderful nurse who helped bring bella into the world! she was such a blessing. at 7:30 dr. moser came in and broke my water (to which nick exclaimed later "what happened to your belly? it deflated!") what i really remember about this time is that i was STARVING and super thirsty. i hadn't eaten or drank anything since 11 oclock the night before. nick's mom and sister showed up at the hospital around 8 with a breakfast sandwich for nick, which he politely ate in the waiting room since i didn't think i would be able to handle the smell -or- sight of food at that moment. i got my *first* epidural at 9ish... yes, i did say first. it never made anything on my body numb, and they kept asking me if i could feel my contractions, which i did, so they decided i should have another one administered. ouch. not so much the needle part, but the whole ripping-the-tape-from-my-neck-to-my-lower-back-thing... yeah, ouch. again, probably even more than the contractions. after my second epidural, i could rest and nick and i dozed off and on as we visited some with his mom and sister and watched a bit of fox news...we had to stay ontop of the day's current events, right? and yes, grampy brewster was very proud that his granddaughter was delivered with the conservative news station playing in the background.

around noon i began to feel some discomfort and pressure that i hadn't felt before... i started worrying that it was the epidural not working, but when i told the nurse about it she checked me again and announced that i was fully dialated! then i began to panic a bit... just for a few minutes... the pushing was about to start and we were going to meet bella!! dr. moser was in with another patient delivering their baby, and asked the nurse to hold me off until one before we started pushing. i remember looking at the clock and thinking "this is going to be the looooongest hour of my life." finally, around 12:30 i begged them to let me start; i didn't think my body could resist any longer. my request was granted and we began pushing. nick was on one side holding one leg and our nurse alison on the other. can i just take a minute and say how much i fell in love with my husband allll over again that day?? he jumped right into "coach mode" and stood there, counting for my pushing, cheering me on, telling me how proud he was of me, and feeding me ice chips. yes. he was amazing. i couldn't have done it without him! alison asked me 1. if i wanted a mirror to watch... NO WAY and 2. if i wanted to touch the head...ummmm... no thanks. i pushed for about an hour when finally our nurse called in dr. moser... it was go time. nurses began coming in to set up everything for bella's delivery. with dr. moser in place, i pushed about three more sets of contractions when dr. moser told me with the next push, we would meet our daughter to which i questioned "are you sure?!" everyone kept telling me how great i was doing, but there was still no baby. i had to be convinced that she REALLY was about to come. so finally, i told them i needed to push and gave it all. i. had. and there she was. i had told jessica, my sister-in-law that morning that i hoped she be here by 2... at 1:57 bella grace cornwell entered the world (thanks for listening to your mama, bel!) weighing 7 lbs, 12 oz and measuring 20.5 inches long. i'm tearing up just writing this... she was absolutely *beautiful*. i knew i would think she was beautiful because she was my daughter, but i had no idea what it would feel like to have her placed on my chest for the first time. instant love. it was amazing. i just started crying and saying over and over "this is my baby!" yeah... i was pretty incoherant at that point! i looked at nick and he had tears in his eyes. this. was. incredible. the nurses and doctors tended to me and bella, nick got to hold his baby girl too and then his mom and sister came in to hold her followed by camille, kristin, ashley and stella. i'm pretty sure there was still blood on the floor when our friends and family came in to hold her... i love that so many people were there to share this moment with us!

they took bella to bathe her and left nick & i with the nurses as they continued to take care of me and then wheeled me to our new post-partum room. there we had bella's first little birthday party with nick's mom and dad, sister and brother-in-law and nephew, brother and sister-in-law, matt and camille, candace, kristin, mike and ashley, cody and holly and mike and jess. we passed bella around the room and nick and i ate sushi--glorious sushi--for the first time in nine months. after everyone left, the three of us skyped with grammy and grampy in maine and they got to meet their granddaughter for the first time, too. such a precious moment. such an amazing day. i fell in love with my husband all over again... he nurtured me and took care of me in a way i had never experienced before... he said he saw the "tough high school basketball player side" of me that he had never seen before. and i fell in love with my new baby girl...and am growing to love her more and more every single day.

as i close, i'm looking at my sweet bella grace asleep in her swing and remember the first time i saw her all over again. i wonder if i'll remember that moment the day i send her to kindegarten for the first time. or the day we drop her off at college. or when i help her get ready on her wedding day. i hope i do.

we love you, bella grace. you have stolen our hearts! happy month of life.

here we go...

so i've been meaning to enter the "blog world" a lot sooner than now, but for whatever reason life has kept me pretty preoccupied... i guess i was just waiting to have a newborn to throw something ELSE that was new into the mix that is my life! i meant to start one in may o seven, when i was graduating from seminary and starting my first full time job in ministry. well, you can see where that ended up... no blog. then, i meant to start one in may o eight after nick and i got married. again, no luck. i also had ambitions of starting my blog adventure in may o nine after leaving my job in the ministry and starting the pursuit of my state counseling license and working in a private practice. hmmmm... starting to notice a pattern? pattern number one: my blogging plans have a way of not ever happening. pattern number two: may seems to be a very big month in my life over the past few years.

fast forward to may two thousand ten... the 19th to be exact... enter: bella grace, our beautiful baby girl. i guess now that i have some down time where i'm at home, never wanting to put my precious one down, that i am now ready to start this venture. it's also important to me that as a new mom i don't lose my sense of self; my passion about certain issues, my interest in different hobbies and my love for expressing myself in writing. i also figured it would be a great way for me to record this sweet season of my life as i find my way...

who knows what this blog will turn out to be; sometimes me sharing my thoughts on life, my own experiences, motherhood, wife-hood (if that's even a word)... sometimes a recipe or two... sometimes maybe even some counseling insights or articles as i continue in my career/ministry (free of charge to you, of course). pretty much a mixed bag, this blog will be... but that's a good reflection of me, i guess... or i hope so anyway :)